Remain voters are stockpiling typically British foods in readiness of Brexit. This septic isle, they believe, will probably be plunged into a massive depression. Well, that’s what happens if you fall off a cliff edge.
Small-scale smuggling of Marmite already takes place, in a small way. Expats living the life of Riley in southern France and Spain expect their relatives to bring supplies when they visit. Jars of the precious brown nectar are concealed in hand luggage and disguised as fake tan.
The writing is on the wall (sponsored by Donald Trump). Those who can read the runes believe that the message is clear: the only people to benefit from Brexit are the vultures who stand to pick over the carcass after the event. The rest of us, who gives a hoot?
Government officials insist that the message is, everything is fine, get patriotic and get thee behind us, Satan. To put it more succinctly, we won, get over it.
The situation is clearly untenable. So disappointed Remainers plan to stay in the EU by emigrating from the UK. They are planning to utilise their burgundy EU passports before they are forcibly downgraded to the blue UK variety. Everybody wins.
Unfortunately, Europeans do not understand British delicacies. Other culinary icons being hoarded in preparation of exile include HP Sauce, Real Ale, and Cornish pasties. Canny operators are making sure that they have enough supplies of exemplary British cuisine to last, while they get accustomed to having to eat garlic, snails, and frogs legs.
So expect booze cruises to be replaced by pasty pilgrimages and baked bean beanos. Watch Brits currently living The Good Life slowly become bon viveurs. Très bien, what, old bean?
It only remains to point out that the Remainers will remain by leaving, leaving the Leavers to leave by remaining.