LITTLE BIT OF HARD WORK WILL SORT THEM RIGHT OUT : Good news today for people worrying that Britain’s legions of waiting list ill are endangering the tax efficient arrangements of major donors to major political parties, with the announcement from Downing Street that “tech will solve our welfare problems.”
Talking to a cluster of rubber worn journalists, that just like the government, can’t believe that the government is now the government, and so everyone is just carrying on still in the press as if the old government is still the government, a Downing Street spokesman said, “Whatever bollocks will get us a favourable front page on the Mail”, followed by “something tech something.”
The statement will certainly reassure a nervous country convinced that the millions living it large on NHS waiting lists are the “productivity drain which threatens to rob us of the benefits of Brexit”.
The exact details of the tech solution to the health crisis (bequeathed by 14 years of Tory – in the hope people will sell their homes and enrich private equity) are yet to be worked out, but AI will play a huge part.
“Why should AI just do all those silly creative jobs? Why shouldn’t it deal with the millions of work shy Brits who can’t be bothered to work just because the pay is calculated on the need to shove money into tax havens? And some lie about a prolapse or a dicky ticker or what not?”
Indeed.
The hope is that by selling “Britain’s health data gold mine” to US tech giants AI can be trained up to the do “the job of sick people”, so the sick people can “pick fruit”.
Quite what the languishing legions of ill will make of once again being scapegoated is anybody’s guess, but presumably the new AI can be trained to blame itself for the whims of fate and no one “suggest Amazon, or the King, or Google should pay any tax”.
“We’ve got a 170 seat majority,” the government spokesman added, “we essentially can revolutionise the country, make meaningful, redistributive change with this power, so we avoid the fate of the Dems across the pond. But I think instead we’ll just piss about the edges for a while, improving things a little, and then get terrified next election and pander to the right. But it’s not our fault. It’s Julie Bingfull who lives in Croydon who insists on not working until she gets back her sight.”