WHO DARES, WINS: The great plan (which is working, and we must stick to it) now includes National Service. It’s just around the corner we have just turned.
The hardest right-wing headbangers left in the Conservative Party have been sent out in force to bang heads.
“Flagship means flagship!” said Sir Silkie Softhands. “Hard, physical work should put the feckless young firmly in their place once and for all! National Service never did me any harm!”
Sir Silkie, who is approaching retirement age, is far too young to have seen National Service.
“My point exactly!” he blustered. “Kids today have it easy. Not like my generation! They are soft, they are Woke, they are probably lefties too. All of these weaknesses need to be beaten out of them before they may be allowed to join the adult population!”
Under the plan, youngsters will be compelled to undertake compulsory volunteer work. An oxymoron for the ages, to stand beside ‘Brexit is working’ and ‘Conservative’.
The timing of the announcement is interesting. It follows on the heels of a world beating number of political gaffes, each worthy of Boris Johnson at his drunkest, only not so funny. It is as if Conservative central office has run out of imagination as well as any sort of forward thinking.
“If you are saying that the plan smacks of desperation, you couldn’t be more wrong!” insisted Sir Silkie. “We must look backwards to go forwards, we need to build on the successes of our past!”
Like the NHS. The BBC. Comprehensive education. Conferring rights on British citizens.
“No, no, don’t be silly!” said Sir Silkie. “The Empire! The workhouse! Children up chimneys! Feudalism! Unfettered capitalism! The stiff upper lip! The class system! Knowing one’s place! Winston Churchill! Winning wars! England’s Golden Age!”
Next week, expect all of these to appear in the Conservative Party manifesto.