WHAT’S YOURS IS MINE AND WHAT’S MINE IS MINE TOO : The UK’s current smartest serving Prime Minister Rishi “One Note” Sunak has set out his stall for the General Election he refuses to call.
The pint sized powerhouse of performative punishments isn’t paying any heed to suggestions that after 14 years of provably failed policy it’s time for the Cons to slither back into the shadows, feast on the mountain of innocent lives they’ve stolen in the long night, and count the loot.
”I’ve unfinished business,” Sunak told a surprised Downing Street press conference. Surprised because most believed he is the definition of finished business.
At this point the miniature rage hammer paused, smirking, “Well, my father in law has unfinished business. There’s still a few contracts to sign so he gets the best possible settlement when I eventually leave office.”
This was followed by a more somber moment as Mr Sunak mused on one of the jolly contradictions of Conservative politics.
”It’s funny how we’re always talking about the need to balance the books. As if the nation is a household. I have no idea of my actual worth, partially because it keeps accumulating well above any tax rate and I simply have no need to balance my budget. The plan is working.”
From there it was a medley of classic Sunak.
”We have turned the corner.” – To the cliff edge.
”We have gotten control of our borders.” – by ignoring them.
”I am having a relaunch party next week.” – par for course.
“Judge me on my promises to fix Britain.” – I should know how, I’m part of the mob that broke it.