SAX-COBURG WHAT NOW : Fresh from seeing off the attempted theft of stolen artefacts by Greece, Britain’s smallest PM, Rishi Sunak, now has to fight the Germans. Again.
The new struggle is centred again on a collection of seemingly inanimate objects, with the emotional warmth of marble, who seem to just take up space better used for other things, and cost the British public money solely to generate endless arguments among the broader population.
”The British Royal Family may be largely derived from foreign sources, but that isn’t the point, we’ve had them for centuries and we intend to keep hold of them,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman told LCD Views. “If the Germans want them so badly they might like to reflect upon how well we’ve looked after them? What happened to their last royal family?”
But while this latest furore is certain to overwhelm Mr Sunak, who has yet to meet a problem he can see his way over, he is receiving support from an unexpected quarter.
”Boris Johnson has written in the Mail that he has the solution. He’s offered to make both problems go away. For the Greeks he is offering to make a new, better Elgin Marbles out of empty wine crates. For the Germans he’s offered to go and live there if they call him Kaiser Al. Rishi would be mad not to take him up on both offers,” our royal correspondent notes.
The likelihood of Mr Sunak seizing on Mr Johnson’s offer isn’t great though, as he “already has one former PM in the house running the government for him, while pretending to be Foreign Secretary. Imagine how pointless he’d look if he employed another?”
Still, the answer is likely to come from the Palace itself, with rumours suggesting none other than King Charles III himself said to be minded to “send his cousins on the Continent Prince Harry. Long to reign over them. When he’s not asking Netflix to make a show about how he wants to be left alone.”