TWELVE YEARS AND COUNTING THE COST : The Old Lady of Threadneedle Street has done her part again today to ensure strong and stable government by raising interest rates to 3%.
“While it’s clear a graduated return to more historically normal interest rates would be smarter,” a fictional Bank spokesman told LCD Views, “we prefer to place millions of mortgage holders in front of the fire and watch them sweat.”
The stated reason for the interest rate rise is an attempt to get a grip on the UK’s world leading inflation.
“People are engaging in a truly reckless credit splurge,” the spokesman said. “They’re spending on food, heating, transport and the like. Some are even buying their children clothes on credit. It’s incredibly irresponsible and we have to step in.”
The other reasons given are the Pandemic and the War. It’s obvious these are unhelpful, allied to the Chinese closure of its economy so the President there can enjoy moving over a billion people around like tiny pieces on his giant chessboard.
“There is of course one UK specific factor that is an accelerant on our inflation rates and assisting in slamming us into a very long recession.”
Which is?
“I’m not allowed to mention it.”
Go on.
“I can’t. It’s forbidden. Just head over to the BBC and read an article on the economy. You won’t find any mention of it.”
Why can’t you mention what you won’t mention?
“Because to do so would be to mention the massive scat cherry on top of a giant scat layer cake which is twelve years of bad policy choices.”
Can you give us a hint?
“You know which idiots have been in charge.”
No. I know that. I mean what is the massive scat cherry on top of twelve years of terrible Tory policies?
“You say it and I’ll blink once for yes and two for no.”
Brexit.
Blink and you’ll miss it. In compliant UK media articles and the political establishment. You can’t miss it in your household expenses.