AND FOOL AND HER OFFICE ARE SOON PARTED : The UK’s shortest ever serving Prime Minister, Liz Truss, has moved to put distance between her and failed economic mind game, Chancellor of the Exchequer, Kwasi Kwarteng.
In spite of rumours suggesting the two of them are “peas in a pod” on macro-fiscal economic pound policy, Ms Truss’s team is believed to be briefing to the media that she is in a different universe altogether.
“Kwasi clearly is on another planet too,” a source claiming to be inside No 10 told LCD Views. “He’s not even in orbit. Neither is the Boss. She’s somewhere beyond Alpha-Centauri, while Mr Kwarteng is thought to be loitering about Beetle Juice. Either way. They’re more than worlds apart. So whatever he is up to, it’s not her fault.”
But in a statement which hints at at least a sympathy for the beleaguered Chancellor, the beleaguered PM’s spokesperson added, “I suggest the blame for the destruction of the UK economy is probably Harold Wilson’s. Definitely Tony Blairs’. Almost certainly Gordon Brown’s and without doubt Keir Starmer, should he become Prime Minister. Neoliberal economics can’t be to blame. That’s an article of faith. We all know faith in something requires no evidence.”
But when pressed to explain why the press is determinedly suggesting the two individuals know each other very well, the source shrugged.
“Look. Ms Truss does not know Kwasi Kwarteng. She’s never met him. If you said his name to her she’d look blankly at you and wait for the camera to click for her latest Instagram post. Whoever he is, whatever he’s done, it’s on him. Now if you don’t mind I have an emergency meeting to go to with the PM.”
What will be under discussion?
“Nothing. We’ll be sitting in a corner rocking rapidly with our fingers in our ears shouting NO NO NO NO.”