A STITCH IN TIME : THE UK’S GREATEST CURRENT TORY PRIME MINISTER has been banned by authorities from her planned redecoration of 10 Downing Street.
The unusual move by the Property and FUBAR Facilities Department at Westminster was made after Ms Truss and her Chancellor decided to redecorate the UK economy on Friday.
“Have you seen what they’ve done with the UK’s flooring? The colour of the walls? The flipping curtains?” a source inside PFFD told LCD Views. “I mean the Johnsons would have done us all a favour by just vomiting all over Downing Street in one of their frat house parties during lockdown and calling it a postmodern paint job, instead of that celebrity makeover artist. Truss is worse. Much worse. I never thought I’d say that. Ever. Never. Ever.”
The major concern appears to be what Truss/Kwarteng have done with the colour range of the pound.
“It’s all red, red, red. It’s really garish. I can barely look at it. And don’t get me started on what they’ve done with the gilts in the WC’s! FFS. It’s like they gave a starving pig a paint brush and a pot of actual human blood and expected it to write Shakespeare on a Picasso canvas. I can barely make head or tails of what is happening. I think apart from just banning the Truss’s from redecorating we should go a lot further. Take a leaf out of Ripley’s book in Aliens.”
How so?
“Take off into space and nuke it all from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. But wait until they’re all gathered at the Tory Party conference first. Leak those plans and see what happens to the pound!”