BREAKING : Truss vows to replace Downing Street cat with a bird

ALL CHANGE NO CHANGE AT ALL : THE UK’S IMMINENT PRIME MINISTER Liz Truss has made making vows of change a trademark as she wrestles with Sunak to lead the wilfull blind deeper into the valley of darkness, and today is no exception.

While many expect David Cameron’s old moggy to lounge on at the taxpayer’s expense, rumours suggest Ms Truss is planning to level up the Prime Ministerial pet with a more fitting animal to symbolise her reign.

“The people need to see a new and reinvigorated government,” a 10 Downing Street insider told LCD Views, “the PM has total confidence that the next PM is going to deliver that. This will ensure the rightful PM his chance of making a come back with the new and illegitimate PM is ousted before Christmas.”

Most would expect that PM Truss will choose a lion or a unicorn to replace the pensioned off Larry, but sources close to the heart of the incoming government say Ms Truss has a much more fitting, and personal touch in mind.

“It’s going to be a vulture. Maybe an entire flock,” the source claims. “Why should the real governors of sovereign Britain continue to hide in the shadows and dine in the darkness? Why shouldn’t they step out into the light and take their rightful place as Global Brexit Britain’s champions and mascots? Anyone for a free port?”

Indeed. It’s hard to think of a counter argument and it would signal a new, honest approach to ruling the UK as the new dawn breaks.

“But Ms Truss isn’t without concern for her soon to be defeated contestant Mr Sunak,” the source adds. “She’s going to name the 10 Downing Street vulture Rishi to best symbolise his, and the Tories, style of economic management.”

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