BREAKING : Liz Truss vows to call in army to “fight inflation”

MEME MERDE SEAU DIFFERENT : BORIS JOHNSON maybe MIA during the closes stages of what has been a rollercoaster premiership from walk-in fridge to lavish donor parties, but the UK’s next PM Liz Truss is everywhere at present.

Happily for the beleaguered UK Ms Truss is having none of it as she attempts to woo a tiny percentage of the country with a hot legged Thatcher improv, and ride their votes like a cowgirl all the way into 10 Downing Street.

While many expect the first thing on her agenda will be torching the Johnson’s ghastly new money idea of taste off the hallowed walls of the old townhouse, we maybe pleasantly surprised over what is keeping her up at night.

“Sabotaging Sunak is clearly my only goal at the moment,” Ms Truss told a small group of drooling old men at a local golf course in Norfolk, “but I’ve also half an eye on the cost of living crisis.”

This will be reassuring news for the shadowy funders of the Tory Party, as the main aim of British governance since 2010 is ensuring that the innumerable anonymous bank accounts in British overseas territories are stuffed to bursting with redirected taxpayer cash.

“To navigate the cost of living crisis and protect the UK’s vibrant money laundering and tax evasion sectors will be a key challenge of the next government,” a close observer observes. “Can Ms Truss convince the public that it’s nurses who are to blame for inflation while also enabling Tory donors to enrich themselves during the Monkey Pox pandemic? We have to cross our fingers and hope.”

Crossing fingers isn’t enough for the blonde maniac and Ms Truss has proven that with her latest policy announcement.

“It’s obvious,” she told her audience, before pausing and staring fixedly at a point in the distance no one else could identify, for a full five minutes without blinking. “I’ll call in the army to fight inflation,” she eventually added before blowdrying her hair live on stage into a Thatcheresque bouffant that saw local viagra sales limp that night.

With Ms Truss what you see is what you get, until she decides you want to get something else.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *