IT’S A MIRACLE : The UK is set to see off inflation and the cost of living crisis with a world beating speed now that it is expecting a new Tory PM.
The Institute for Idiots, a ramped up think tank funded by kleptocratic cash, has revealed the dramatic change in national fortunes after funding a few headlines aligned with the funders’ ideological aims.
“People will be so grateful to realise that it’s not the underlying economic idiocy and inherent cultural vandalism of Tory thinking that is the problem, but the past leaders. They were basically commies. Cameron. May. Johnson. Marxists. Too woke by half. But the next leader will be completely different and all the failure will vanish. Ambulances will appear as if by the grace of God. GPs grow out of street corners. Farmers spring from the hills and valleys like sprites and the fishing industry resurgent overnight. And let’s not talk about the EU, they’ll be eating out of our hands.”
The reason for this is obvious, it’s just because they intend to pretend that’s true. And that will be good enough to work the old Tory magic.
And that’s not all. The Tory membership choosing the UK’s third consecutive PM, without consideration of the views and wishes of everyone else, will also showcase the robust nature of British parliamentary democracy. The UK is back and taxes are just a memory of a time lost and sensibly shrouded.
“Remember the policies aren’t the problem. and Brexit is definitely something that can be transformed from the elephant in the room into a magic wand. It may seem now that the elephant has explosive diarreah and we’re all swimming in it, while saying the water is lovely, but that is not the issue. Johnson not knowing how many kids he has was the only flaw in neoliberal policies.”
But that’s soon to be solved by the party of government as it sheds its skin and re-emerges again without the need to consult the public.