IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME : Alarming news today that famous London tourist hotspot Madame Tussauds is in lockdown after a malfunction in a cooling system. While the number of exhibits affected by the loss of cooling is limited to one, it’s said to be a very contemporary and important figurine.
“It’s understood that shortly after 10pm last night the waxwork of a famous con artist in the Rogue’s Gallery began melting. The temperature on the display fridge was immediately lowered to zero degrees celsius, but to no avail,” our correspondent reports.
“Baker Street rotten fruit sellers are threatened with bankruptcy,” a source close to the museum also told LCD Views. “If the waxwork of the famous shyster can’t be saved then what will the rotten tomato sellers do? Except perhaps resell their fruit as fresh to Britain’s struggling supermarket chains.”
While it’s not known which personality is melting sources close to the fridge say it’s a likeness of a man with a body like a sack of potatoes and hair like a burning haystack. He is believed to be active in both politics and journalism and subject of false claims that he is writing a Shakespeare biography?
10 Downing Street have added to the mystery surrounding the “ongoing kakistostrophe” by issuing a denial that the melting figure is not the Prime Minister Boris Johnson.
“Staff at Madam Tussauds have seized on this as a ray of light,” our source comments. “If it’s the actual PM melting and not the waxwork than the loss will in reality be a gain.”
It’s said that before long it will be known if that is the case.
“Our model is 100% wax. Boris Johnson has feet of clay. We will know soon enough if it’s actually him melting as only the feet will be left.”