ALL WORK AND NO PAY: Tory MPs caught up in the second jobs scandal are planning to quit their second jobs to avoid unnecessary scrutiny. For most of them, consultancy comes first.
There’s a truism that allegedly circulates in Tory circles. Private sector good, public sector bad. Tory MPs are belatedly walking up to the fact that their work representing The People is in the public sector. By becoming MPs, they automatically become their own enemy. Small wonder that so many are confused.
One such MP is Sir Phil McCoffers, who represents Utterleigh-in-the-Mire. “The public sector is bad, isn’t it?” he mused, gradually untangling what passes for lines of thought in his head. “Low paid. High degree of scrutiny. Insecurity. Well I won’t have it any more! The bloody lefties aren’t going to look into my private financial affairs. I can afford to lose the paltry pay, and I’m not waiting around for the plebs in Utterleigh to kick me out. I’m off.”
So can we expect a by-election in the near future?
“I expect so, we must proceed with the charade of democracy,” said Sir Phil. “The poor bugger who ‘wins’ will have to square the circle of managing the weekly surgery with putting in respectable hours doing international consultancy. Frankly, my time is better spent giving advice than walking through lobbies.”
Sir Phil is not alone. Many like him are realising that there are better ways to pocket £82k a year which are away from the public gaze. But there are some who will cling to their current occupation.
“I can rent a flat in London on expenses,” Sir Phil disclosed. “Basically live in the middle of things for nothing, run a couple of mistresses on the public purse. I don’t do this, obviously, but there are some who would not want to give up this perk. Why do you think Boris doesn’t simply resign and scuttle back under a rock?”
It’s a good question. Follow the money, then follow the trousers.