FIDDLING AS ROME BURNS: World beating gaslighter Boris Johnson is pumping out hot air again. In a fine speech he insisted that fellow world leaders should take action instead of making fine speeches.
“Fine speeches butter no parsnips!” he bellowed, coherently for once. “My parsnip is well buttered and oven ready! Slam in the lamb! Get the toad in the hole! Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we go again!”
World leaders glanced at their translations in delight, as it seemed that Johnson was treating them to a cookery class this time.
“What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander!” he continued. “Beware, my friends, your goose may be cooked, and the turkeys have voted for Christmas!”
This was a very meaty speech. It was nothing to do with the energy crisis, but very entertaining.
“Energy is a slippery customer, like a greased pig!” Johnson was hitting his stride now. He recognised the smiles on the faces of his audience. Encouraged, he carried on hungrily. “Out of the frying pan, into the fire! When the chips are down, there’s no point crying over spilt milk! This is no time to be mutton dressed as lamb! We must stop the gravy train, get on with the bread and butter!”
This was splendid, vintage stuff. Numerous delegates were visibly salivating now.
“You take the biscuit!” he continued. “Let them eat cake! The world is our oyster! Boiled beef and carrots! This is a trifle. Time to get our teeth into it! Fillet steak, rare, six bottles of champagne, and charge it to Macron!”
He stumbled down to rapturous applause from the hungry crowd.
“So what are you doing about the crisis?” asked an intrepid reporter backstage.
“Do? I’ve just done my bit,” replied Johnson. “Now where’s the buffet?”
There’s no gas, but plenty of gaslighting.