PRIDE OF BRITAIN : Dominic Raab’s chest is reported as “swelling with pride” today after he clinched a coveted Greek tourism award.
The biggest surprise of the accolade for the world beating Foreign Secretary appears to be that he did not even know he was in the running for it.
“It’s the Olympics of tourism promotion,” said a source inside Raab’s brain, where it lives in spacious surroundings in what has been described by critics as a “post modern masterpiece of mind palace design. Inflexible, toxically masculine lines combine a minimalist approach to mental furnishings and fittings, but the puzzled eye travels about a vista of clean and empty space, as far as there is limited energy and interest to see. To dwell in Raab’s mind palace is to wonder on the mysteries of life such as is any country an island really? And why do people want to ban the tali? Indeed what is a tali? And why are the British so famously work shy? Would debtors prisons encourage them to greater enterprise?”
As to the tourism award itself, the ramped up Secretary of State was awarded the gong for the promotion of Crete as a holiday destination.
“Mr Raab has done more to revive the Cretan tourism industry since the pandemic began,” a member of the award committee told LCD Views. “The relentless media spotlight on the luxurious resorts to be found on the coastline of Crete is invaluable in an era of strong competition for holiday spending.”
It’s not yet clear if Mr Raab will travel personally to collect the award. He now has a full schedule of work tweeting about making work calls. As if advertising himself doing the job he’s fucking paid to do will compensate for not being bothered in the slightest about doing it when he was on Crete, regardless of the lives at risk.
Crete – the sea is always open, just like Mr Raab’s telephone line and mind. Why not spend some idle time there today?