CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK : Wooden intellects doing wooden things is the focus in the United Kingdom this week, and the real world consequences of promoting dead wood to power.
The revelations that the current British political leadership is thick as two short planks has come as a surprise to people who’ve been in a coma for several years. To many though, it is not a revelation.
“It’s hard to imagine another administration would respond to a rapidly developing foreign policy calamity by going off on holiday,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “But we did. Our only job was to Get Brexit Done. The country can be governed from here on in by so called Serco, think thanks, tabloids and contrarians on social media. Our work is over. It’s time to kick up the heels and sip those pool side cocktails.”
And while a void for an Executive will please many, especially the shadowy figures who bankrolled Brexit, the British myth of itself seems to have been sorely challenged on a national level this week by failure in Afghanistan. Answers are being demanded.
Luckily Boris Johnson is still acting Prime Minister and has already responded to queries about how Dominic Raab came to be Foreign Secretary?
“I made him myself,” the PM shrugged, “and I can unmake him. With a hammer and a crowbar. Although I won’t if I don’t have to as I’m afraid of splinters. I had a few empty wine crates laying about after a bus making session and so I made a Raab. Then I painted a perpetually surprised expression on his face and put him in post.”
While the revelation that the Foreign Secretary is an inanimate object will solve the puzzle for many, some are not sure that’s the total story?
“How did he get that throbbing temple vein?” one commentator wanted to know.
“Woodworm,” the PM replied. “I wouldn’t worry though, there’s just a cavity inside his head. Once the worm burrows inside it’ll be free falling down through his hollow chest.”