BREAKING : Queen bans Downing Street from using phrase “Her Majesty’s Government” in perpetuity

WE ARE NOT AMUSED : THE UNITED KINGDOM has seemed to stumble from self-inflicted disaster to self-inflicted disaster ever since David Cameron called the EU Referendum, before buggering off to indulge his true calling, that of lobbyist. There are certainly no signs of the pattern reversing or the PM being capable of running anything approaching a competent administration.

Many have wondered what does The Royal Family think about it all? Will the Queen ever intervene? Can she intervene? Or are we just adrift in a sea of tyranny never to see a calm shore again. Finally the Palace has answered those questions.

Late this afternoon a gilt edged servant appeared outside 10 Downing Street carrying a message for Prime Minister Boris Johnson from Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. While speculation was initially hot that she had fired him, it seems she has chosen to reduce his standing instead, in the hope he just leaves quietly himself.

Seasoned critics suggest this is unlikely and he will have to be “dragged out by his hairy arse screaming like the overgrown infant he is. Almost certainly clutching some of the art he’s badgered donors into buying for the flat, in order to auction the works off to pay his childcare and alimony costs.”

None the less, action from the Palace is long overdue and many are pleased with anything these days.

“The Queen has today banned Prime Minister Johnson’s government from using the phrase Her Majesty’s Government in any utterance, in written communication and definitely not over brandy after dinner,” a Palace spokesman told LCD Views exclusively. “Furthermore the short form, HMG, is also out of bounds. This order will remain in place for the life of Mr Johnson’s government. Let us hope that is not much longer now.”

It seems the drastic step has been taken to distance the Queen from her government because, as the Palace put it in usually direct language, “They’re such a cockwombling embarrassment. Did you know they’ve got the army delivering groceries? Jesus wept. Leave me out of it.”

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