NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT : The United Kingdom’s builders and decorators have never been busier now that we’ve sensibly sent home most of our builders and decorators. But even if the boom does turn to bust you can guarantee Downing Street will always be a source of ready employment.
To ensure the market remains strong and stable though additional measures do need to be put in place from time to time. Here the Executive builds on the forward thinking approach of previous and present tenants in the most famous of public housing projects.
“We’re going to establish a VIP Lane for donors to avoid the scandals that surrounded Mr and Mrs Johnson’s refurbishment of the Downing Street flat,” an invented Tory Party SPAD tells LCD Views. “This way people can line up to pay for the refit once the Johnson’s are out the door. Which will be sooner than many expect.”
The VIP Channel will operate much on the same lines as the one which allowed unqualified, incompetent, greedy but public spirited Tory linked figures to treat the pandemic like a cash cow of unprecedented scale.
“It’s certain that Prime Minister Rishi or Prime Minister Truss, or even Prime Minister Raab will want to change the wallpaper for starters. Nosebleed season ends with the Johnson’s. Of course we’re Raab is concerned it will probably only be redecorating 10 Downing Street as no one has yet taught him once he counts to 10 on his fingers he can carry on up with his toes.”
Exactly what the VIP Lane individuals will receive in return for paying to clear out the new money desperation the Johnson’s slapped all over the place isn’t yet clear.
“That will remain a secret,” the SPAD advises, “in the public interest. If you knew how degraded your democracy has become under the latest long rule of Tories you might link it to the gaps in the supermarket shelves and not blame refugees.”
Rishi Sunak is not in anyway linked to this invented story which we have imagined to focus on the PPE VIP Lane scandal. But he’s been used in the image as he’s the one the press expect to replace the bloated windbag of bad governance currently festering inside 10 Downing Street. It maybe Priti Patel gets the top job and the UK can finally be devoured by the Kraken it is so desperate to summon. Or we may finally cut the crap and just let Rupert Murdoch move in before he pops his clogs.