FRIED COUNTRY PIECES : News of shortages are in the headlines daily now as Global Britons seize hold of the advantages of shortages delivered by Brexit, but Britons can rest assured their world beating government is on top of the drama.
The army has been placed on standby to stick a finger in the dyke that holds back a flood of empty supermarkets. Just a normal, healthy representative country functioning properly after a criminal influenced national opinion poll became gospel. But it’s not just the trucker squaddies that are holding the ever thinning line which separates Global Britons from empty shelves.
“We can confirm that the Special Air Service has also been deployed to ensure there are no emergencies in food supply which would necessitate phoning the emergency services,” a MOD spokesman told LCD Views. “Specifically we are talking about KFC. And we are not choosing favourites. The parachute regiment is guarding McDonalds.”
Why the SAS has been deployed to guard the chicken lorries should be obvious, as reports of widespread foot riots are due any day now and we need the best of the best on active service.
But it’s not just the SAS which has been re-tasked to ensure the success of Brexit, the spy service is also now fully focused on domestic supply side issues.
“We can also confirm that the threat to the Prime Minister’s wine supply is being taken as a serious one,” the source continues. “A tank regiment has been placed on the lawn at Chequers. Anyone attempting to breach the defences will face lethal force. But we are working with our colleagues at both Mi5, Mi6, Mi7 and Mi8 to ensure the would be saboteurs never get that far. The 00’s are licensed to kill and to wine taste.”
There are not thought to be any national security implications arising from the redeployments as Global Britain is far too intimidating a target.
“Let me be clear, the country is not in any danger from external actors. And even if it were Boris Johnson’s government would not bother to find out. Enjoy your bargain buckets. Strong and stable government.”