GET OUT OF THE SEA : News broke today of a completely unsurprising nature that British Clown Prince (and prime minister) Boris Johnson was almost swept out to sea last year by a politically obsessed Scottish wave.
The wave is said to have harboured ambitions to be a national hero and may have succeeded but for the quick actions of the Clown Prince’s close protection officers.
Sources close to the wave have spoken confidentially to the press and say it was not attempting to physically harm the bumbling idiot, but “scare some sense into him. Perhaps even force a kind of watershed moment. An awakening of consciousness, before returning the shambolic human wrecking ball to shore, where he belonged.”
But a leak from the office of Poseidon, God of the Sea, this evening says that the God was not pleased with the wave at all.
“It’s believed Poseidon has enough trouble explaining daily that he is also Neptune, without having to deal with even more toxic human trash in the sea,” a source which has seen the leaked document reports.
It appears Poseidon was so displeased with the wave involved that he took punitive action to make it an example to other waves.
“It can give up any thoughts of becoming tidal,” the source continues, “Poseidon flew into a fury and demoted the wave to a ripple. The best it can hope for the now is quietly lapping against some pebbles in a secluded cove, before its energy disperses forever.”
Dolphins, porpoises and other marine mammals have been warned that should Mr Johnson go for a swim again they are to immediately return him to shore.
Furthermore, Godzilla has been approached by Poseidon with the aim of levelling the U.K. completely to remove the threat of Mr Johnson polluting the sea ever again, but it’s believed the decision has been taken to hold off for the moment.
“He’s doing a competent enough job of laying waste to the U.K. without any divine assistance. So they’re just going to hold off on that for the moment and see how things pan out.”