WORLD LEADERS : The U.K. is well positioned to lecture the rest of the developed world, and anyone else we care to talk down to, when it comes to efforts to combat Climate Change.
First and foremost Prime Minister Boris Johnson has appointed a chum to make promises on Climate, which is about all that is necessary. Secondly he’s promised to limit his own number of offspring to “lost count”, and now he’s taking the plaudits for serious efforts in U.K. supermarkets to reduce use of plastic.
“The Oven Ready Brexit Deal may not have looked like it was packaged in polar bear friendly materials but the proof is in the pudding,” a 10 Downing Street source tells LCD Views. “Or rather the proof is in the lack of pudding. Fresh foods. Nonperishables. Toilet paper. Drivers to deliver the missing consumables. It’s a broad spectrum attack on climate change and the overconsumption by British shoppers that caused it.”
The strategy is well grounded in recent successes too.
“Who can forget Priti Patel lauding the reduction in shoplifting at a time when all the shops were closed in the first lockdown? Genius. We’ve brought that laser focus to supermarkets.”
But critics of the achievement are quick to point out that the reduction in plastic use is only because there’s nothing to buy in the shops.
“That’s just the sort of unpatriotic twaddle you expect from detractors. Pay them no heed. No HGV drivers. No shelves in supermarkets. No climate change. We’re world leaders in this field as in so many others.”
Take a bow Global Britons. Who knew that when we voted for sovereignty we voted for shortages and environmental achievements. Anyone paying even cursory attention to how U.K. supply lines work, that’s who.