mortuus Cattus : Education Secretary Gavin Williamson has not looked back since his early years as the seventeenth best, secondhand (and recently refurbished) fireplace salesman in Little Dorrit.
In recent years he has held several ministries in the long running Tory rule. The high point clearly being fired for leaking secrets while Defence Secretary. But failure is no barrier to advancement under Boris Johnson. Now Mr Williamson has the education of mighty Global Britain’s tender young minds in his care.
So it comes as no surprise that he has decided to do something as twattishly stupid as force British state school children to learn Latin. Which will come as a surprise, no doubt, to their teachers many of whom will now also be learning Latin.
“Some might think that increased funding, food and more teachers would be of greater help,” a source close to Gav said, “but they haven’t seen the whip he keeps on his desk. He’s very impressive.”
Clearly though, in spite of the whip, critics are less than impressed.
That could be regarded as an improvement for Mr Williamson who is so desperately insecure and mediocre such an estimation is a factum massive.
“He says learning Latin will prepare schoolchildren to learn modern languages,” a baffled Education expert comments. “Why not just then teach them modern languages? Ones they can actually practice in real life situations? The guy is a complete twat. Which is actually how you say Gavin Williamson in Latin.”
Regardless of the harping on of detractors Mr Williamson has the support of 10 Downing Street for the changes.
“The PM thinks it’s a great windup and will distract everyone for a few days from the hash he’s made of the UK’s food supplies. So have at it Gavin,” a 10 Downing Street source says.
“And besides it’s best they learn Latin. Learning French or Italian will just remind them of the deep links of friendship and unity we severed to achieve Brexit. And we don’t want that.”