HEARTFELT : The Johnson government brings its much anticipated NHS reform bill to the nodding dogs in the kennel called Westminster today as it edges closer to the greatest prize in Conservative politics, the dismantling of a public health service free at the point of use.
While some gasp noticeably at the thought of the UK health system going the way of the US, it is public service which drives the Tory MPs in the quest to leave you to die if you can’t afford cancer treatment. LCD Views spoke to one of the backbench MPs who will vote with the government to learn more.
“People need to take responsibility for their health,” Baron Insurhance Grifft Montgomery Subsidee told LCD Views. The Baron is the oldest son of seven and spoke to us in the grounds of ‘The House’, an ironic name for his family’s one hundred room ancestral home in rural Hertfordshire.
“It’s all very well to wake up every day alive and well and then expect the state to pick up the pieces when you wake up unwell.”
Baron Insurhance has long been troubled by the existence of the NHS.
“From an early age I saw the loss of productivity the mere existence of the NHS causes in the British workforce, which are idle enough as it is! I recall distinctly the day as a bright eyed and bushy tailed four year old I could not go duck shooting on our pond. Nanny was ‘at the doctors’ for some ghastly medical procedure. If she had to pay for the treatment would I have been left to drag the family blunderbuss down to the water’s edge on my own? I think not. People need to take responsibility for the accident of their birth. Just like I did when I inherited the wealth gained by my hardworking ancestors in the late 11th century. Supplemented by later generations who took full advantage of the sugar industry and after that supplying opium to the eager Orientals.”
One of the big gains hidden within the legislation is removing the statutory responsibility of the state to provide hospital care.
“There will still be hospitals. Any suggestion to the contrary is fearmongering. Just they’ll be more efficient hospitals branded with exciting new names of companies from the United States. The British are about to enjoy a very special relationship with healthcare. I’lll be only too happy to help you finance the removal of your child’s appendix. After all, if you can’t afford children, you shouldn’t breed like rabbits! Mind you, the way child mortality will go once we’ve finished with the NHS, you may need to knock a few more out to have a spare.”