I FEEL THE NEED : Downing Street is pulling out all stops to combat the shortage of HGV drivers in the UK, before the inevitable food riots bring down the regime. All stops that is except reversing the damaging immigration law changes that exacerbated the crisis.
The latest wheeze takes its inspiration from WW2, which everyone knows is the only historical time period of any importance whatsoever for Brexit Britain.
“Britain’s tireless fleet of truck drivers will now be supplied with uppers to keep them going through the long hours of the night,” Transport Secretary Sebastian Fox (allegedly aka Grant Shapps) told LCD Views. “The decision to dope them to the eyeballs came after my colleague Mr Gove said he could hook me up with as much as I need. He assures me it’s all good quality gear, no nose garbage, and just to wait for the call.”
It’s not entirely clear how the amphetamines will get into the UK though with Priti Patel waging war on smugglers. Although suspicions are that the sizeable shipments of the required narcotics may well come in via “diplomatic parcels”.
What hauliers think about the plans to both abolish the safety directives which limit driving time, and now drug their red eyed drivers to the eyeballs, isn’t yet clear.
“We wouldn’t listen to them even if they told us,” Mr Shapps commented. “This is how we got Brexit done. By ignoring all the experts. Now, run along and photograph the empty fruit and veg aisles in your local supermarket.”