SCREWING AROUND LIKE ALWAYS : The UK’s world beating Prime Minister Boris Johnson is said to be actively looking for a second Brexit Deal to take as a mistress.
Rumours from inside 10 Downing Street suggest Mr Johnson is already “bored to death” with the deal he negotiated with the European Union and feels he has “shagged the life out of it and now wants something new and spicy”.
How exactly Mr Johnson expects to bring his “personal flair for infidelity” into the realm of legally binding agreements between the UK and the EU is not clear, but it’s assumed he’ll just “ignore all his promises and responsibilities like usual”.
The belief appears to be he can start up a clandestine relationship with another Brexit Deal and then sooner or later discard the current one and all its issues like NI and emptying supermarket shelves.
“It’s certain the pliant, largely courtier UK press will accept Mr Johnson’s betrayal of the Brexit Deal without comment,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “They’ll probably even pretend there’s nothing slightly off about it if he boots the current Brexit Deal right out the door, even though it’s currently receiving treatment, and moves the New Brexit Deal into his bedroom. Just Boris being Boris! What a funny old fellow is Boris.”
The EU is said to be prepared for this but will keep its current position that the courtship which led to Mr Johnson marrying himself to the current Brexit Deal was so “eye-wateringly, ball-achingly irritating for all involved” that they are hardly just going to abandon it on Mr Johnson’s whim and pretend the mistress agreement is legitimate.
“The EU can go whistle,” the source adds. “If Mr Johnson wants to break his word and abandon his commitments that’s his business and nobody else’s.”
The CPTPP is thought to be Mr Johnson’s favourite to screw around with but there are difficulties involved.
“It’s half a world away and his failure to control the pandemic means getting to it and shafting it in secret is difficult in the current era of travel restrictions.”