MORE FOGHORN THAN DOG WHISTLE : The UK’s premier cash transfer scheme, Dido Harding, has notched another impressive achievement to her CV after being confirmed as the new UKIP leader.
It was feared the UK’s governing political party was rudderless after the departure of the last leader, the appropriately named Dick Brain, but mercifully Dido has stepped up to fill the void.
The confirmation came late yesterday after Dido Harding published an opinion piece regarding foreign staff in the NHS that was every bit as subtle as “Nigel Farage standing on a beach screaming obscenities at refugees struggling to reach land”.
It’s thought Dame Harding of Cashot will easily fulfil the role of UKIP leader, and thus policy think tank for 10 Downing Street, while also running the NHS.
“Dido won’t have any trouble running the NHS, once she’s confirmed in the top job,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views, “as her job will be to run it into the ground much in the manner of a 747 jet with no tail. Smash it into millions of separate components and let the US health companies scavenge the saleable parts. Health outcomes won’t be of any concern. This aligns with the governing Tory philosophy of government since 2010. Public outcomes are not important. The transfer of public assets and cash into private pockets, that’s the real public service.”
How long Harding stays as UKIP leader is anyone’s guess.
“It’s a must have on the CV of anyone failing upwards in Global Britain. You need to get your reputation tarnished by association with xenophobia, either overtly or implied. This secures her in famous liberal Boris Johnson’s world beating team.”