THEY NEED ENGLISH MORE THAN WE DO: Leaving the EU has had disastrous consequences for the bloc. English is no longer permissable as a lingua franca, since Leave means Leave and we got our language back.
Naturally this left the EU in crisis mode, and liable to collapse at any minute.
Sweden stepped into the void. Deprived of their annoyingly fluent English, the Swedes proposed using Swedish instead. Unfortunately for the English, nobody on the UK negotiating team understands Swedish, with all their funny punctuation marks and Viking overtones.
Linguists pointed out that the Swedish language, like its furniture, is a self-assembly flat pack affair. This may be so, but the instructions are utterly impenetrable to Lord Frost and his cronies.
Ancient Greek and Latin were originally put forward as strong and modern candidates, but were eventually defeated by the Germans on penalties. Eventually Swedish was chosen, in order to really confuse the Brits.
There are many advantages to this. Firstly, the Daily Express does not know whether to be ecstatic about regaining sovereignty over the Great British Language, or outraged that the bloc it was so desperate to leave no longer wants the English either.
Secondly, it means that the ongoing negotiations with the UK will be conducted in a language the British do not understand. This means that Lord Frost, in his desperation to meet his Waterloo, will sign anything put in front of him, so long as they assure him that The Winner Takes It All.
Frost, though, is considered equally non-fluent in many European languages, his disdain qualifying him to present the UK segment in the next Eurovision Song Contest. His grasp of English itself is not as strong as you might hope, given that it took him 5 months to read and understand the NI Protocol.
Swedish is a fantastic language. It allegedly has 17 different words for gammon.