ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT: Touching news about our much-revered Crime Minister, Little Boris Johnson, emerged this week. His mum let it slip on social media that she still sews a name tape into all his clothing.
The network, MaterFamiliaris, has been described as a NetMummies for posh people. Mrs Johnson joined to fill in the empty hours while Stanley was away flouting travel restrictions or boffing his latest blonde filly.
Other famous people’s mothers are on MaterFamiliaris too. For example, Michael Gove’s mum admits to doing all Michael’s laundry, because his wife is ‘too posh to wash’.
MaterFamiliaris is full of the usual mundane threads. Typical topics of conversation include,’My son was expelled from Eton, how do I cope with the shame?’, ‘The price of pheasant in Harrod’s’, and ‘The best way to hire and fire Nanny’. Hidden among these everyday concerns was the gem ‘My son keeps rejecting me, but I found a solution’.
In this thread Mrs Johnson describes how her son frequently sends back items of clothing. “I have always sewn a name tape into Alexander’s clothing, he’s a right scamp! He is always losing things. I have lost count of the number of pairs of underpants he gets through!”
But, this humorous comment aside, there was a complaint. “He hates it when I use his proper name,” Mrs Johnson writes. “I know most people know him as Boris, but to me he will always be Alexander. So all his name tapes read ‘Alexander B. De P. Johnson’. Often he sends clothes with this name tag back, though funnily enough not the underpants. But I have found a solution!”
At this point the thread ended for several hours, the social media equivalent of a dramatic pause. Finally, she resumed. “And here it is. The latest batch of labels reads ‘Prime Minister’. Not a single garment has returned!”
And it helps to remind Mr Johnson of what he is supposed to be doing all day.