A TISSUE A TISSUE : 10 Downing Street has responded to mounting criticism today over its muddled thinking regarding pandemic travel by giving up thinking all together.
“It’s pointless to carry on with the facade,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman told LCD Views, “after all the Prime Minister has already survived the dreaded virus and he’s now fully vaccinated. His dad and his most important backers are similarly safe. It’s really just the great unwashed who are at risk now. And there’s still plenty of them! Clearly if we import a variant, or create one at home, that can outwit the Great British AZ vaccine he’ll have to think again.”
Until that time comes the government has decided we can all just “have at it”. This is natural as an elimination strategy is only for countries who lack the business acumen to take proper advantage of a pandemic.
“You may as well travel now, while you can, before even more countries ban us from entry. And besides, millions of you need to immediately go overseas to cover for Tory MPs and donors checking up on their second homes on the Continent.”
Understandably Downing Street will add a little finesse to the updated advice before communicating it to the public.
“There is some disquiet in the cabinet. Our lax approach to the new rising case load of the Indian variant maybe seen as a way to ensure the current boom industry in dodgy PPE supply. Some are saying we keep the traffic light system that has been so successful at confusing the message, but just update the colours with phrases.”
The idea is to replace Green with “Make a meal of it”. Amber with “Wishful thinking” and Red with “Still go if we can make some money out of it”.
“Or maybe just roll three into one and call the whole thing ‘Wishful Thinking’. It’s served well enough so far. 150,000 dead and look at our polling!”