FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS : The UK’s greatest ever prime minister, DAVID CAMERON, is in the news and it’s not because he’s refurbished the ‘shepherd’s hut shed’ he famously spent the average, annual salary on after cutting and running from office.
The current story revolves around a long running financial deal he cooked up with an old mate, and expected the public to front money for so he could cash in.
How David ‘hug a hoodie’ Cameron and his mate Lex Luthor (maybe Lex Greensill?) decided on such a disastrous series of murky dealings isn’t entirely clear. But we here at LCD Views are always ready to fabricate an alleged explanation.
“They took financial advice from Nigel Farage,” our fintech whizz kid suggests. “It would explain everything. International cooperation. Disastrous public outcomes. Loss of money. Failure of any benefits to materialise. A reputation so tarnished no amount of polish will ever recover it. This deal gone sour has the classic hallmarks of Farage all over it.”
Whether or not the accusation carries any weight is not yet clear. It is probably as lightweight as Mr Cameron himself.
“We should clap for him,” our expert suggests. “We all know that’s what people need instead of cash. Claps. I’ll do one right now for free.”
Hopefully for Dave the chumocracy will encircle him and he’ll find himself a safe harbour and a new beginning, as befits a visionary who imposed austerity on the country, ripening the resentments at avoidable injustices to such a temperature for Brexit to happen.
“He could try retraining in cyber? Or as a ballerina?” our expert muses. “It’s a bit rum when you think about it. All he has been trying to do is leverage his contact book for egregious personal profit, as befits a former prime minister.”