SHOUT LOUDER IN ENGLISH TO BE UNDERSTOOD : BORIS JOHNSON’S PERSONAL BRITISH BULLDOG, LORD FROST, is to have his aching, inner feelings of inadequacy further quenched today after his peerage is doubled up.
The decision to double his treat allowance comes after all the gnashing of teeth and growling across the English Channel at the silly EU27 seems only to be achieving the reverse of intentions.
“Lord Lord Frost will carry a weight of unearned privilege the EU27 commissioners can only dream about,” a 10 Downing Street source tells LCD Views. “Double ermine? It’s as powerful as making a king in draughts. Mr Johnson had the brain wave after he found an old chequers board while hammered and spent the rest of the afternoon trying to remember what it was.”
Quite how the Europeans will take the move isn’t certain, as many may try and conceal just how intimidated they feel.
“EU27 are famous for being deeply impressed by the British system of giving out privilege in exchange for political services. They will be so envious when Lord Lord Frost walks amongst them they’ll likely go green at the gills.”
In keeping with the doubling of the title, Lord Lord Frost’s enumeration will of course also have to be doubled.
“It’s a good thing we’ve saved all that money on nurses pay,” the source adds. “Or we may not have been able to afford to do it.”
A royal is expected to stop by and do the doubling of peerage, because unfortunately it seems these days they’ll sign off on any old rubbish.
Lord Lord Frost is expected to hold a banquet to celebrate during which only British fish will be served, assuming they can find any that is still suitable for human consumption. By his deeds will he be remembered.