FORTRESS DOMINATRIX : The United Kingdom’s Home Secretary doesn’t like people having homes very much, especially not people who have fled war zones and other calamities.
“The only way we’re going to make Britain Great Again, now we have left the failing, protectionist, corporate interest club of the EU is to ensure we have the right people on our green and pleasant land,” an aide to the Home Secretary told LCD Views. “And as few of them as possible. This is why we had to take back control of our borders, except in pandemics, clearly.”
And the only way we will make sure we have as few people as possible in our country is if someone decides who gets to stay and who goes.
“Root and branch,” the aide clarifies. “Throw everyone out and then have someone judge who gets back in and who, after a suitable probation, gets their citizenship back. The hallowed Blue Passport!”
Priti Patel is the one for this job, clearly.
“It’s actually going to be a boom for our car industry. Just imagine how many security vans we will need to round up 68m people, minus one. That one being Priti Patel. The darling of the Tories. And well deserved too. Not many can come back from being fired for running your own foreign policy agenda! Thanks Boris! Gosh. In earlier times she would have been thrown out of politics for that.”
Clearly to gain re-admittance you’re going to need a crystal clear social media history.
“The next time you see a BoRiS bot festival on social media I advise you to jump right in at the deep end. But don’t forget to praise Priti too, as she’ll be watching you…”