TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE : THE UK BREATHED A SIGH OF RELIEF when it was announced the Prime Minister’s dad had been fully vaccinated against CV-19, mostly because of how many random members of the public he makes contact with.
Whether it was overseas holidays, or day to day public transport use, it seemed not a day went by without the sire of the UK’s biggest and best known dumb blonde joke hitting the news stands.
“So when the time came this morning to choose a well known face to front the campaign to raise public awareness over the heavy new penalties for breaking travel restrictions, Johnson senior was the only choice.”
And in order for the campaign to have maximum effectiveness it will have to invade the public attention as readily as a virus protein spike in your windpipe.
“The campaign will actually be exceptionally clever. You won’t even notice any change in Stanley’s day to day behaviour. He’s going to be asked to carry on as usual. He’ll break restrictions here, there and everywhere and be filmed doing it. It will be exceptionally cheap to produce, which is nice. The savings can be given to a Tory donor in the form of a PPE contract. Really efficient use of limited public resources. We can all be proud.”
But to ensure maximum impact each time the PM’s dad is proven to have broken the new rules, he will escape all punishment. This will have the public rapt.
“It’s one of the tangible benefits of CV-19. There’s now a long list of government figures, and people associated with them, documented to have broken CV-19 restrictions and SFA has happened to them. It helps condition the plebs for life in Brexit. Well, those that survive the pandemic long enough to enjoy it.”
Keep a look out for Stanley in your neighbourhood and know if you spot doing something dodgy, you’ve been taught a lesson.