SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE : POLITICAL MOVERS AND SHAKERS are energised this morning over the opportunity that has suddenly arisen from Boris Johnson’s decision to go to Scotland for a love-in.
“It’s well known how deep the feelings of the people of Scotland are for the People’s Prime Minister,” a representative of the EST (English Secessionists Today) called General Kokup, told LCD Views. “If they feel that strongly about him they can keep him! Ha! Just another gift from Westminster.”
It seems the EST aren’t messing around either and are calling for England to immediately secede from the United Kingdom.
“This is potentially a once in a generation opportunity to get rid of Boris Johnson,” General Kokup continued. “As you can see by my thinking my name is another example of reverse nominative determinism. Like James Cleverly. He can go north too!”
Whether or not Cleverly will take the EST’s advice isn’t clear, but what is as clear as his famous countdown clock is that Scottish independence is looming. And Boris Johnson is helping.
“Why should the jocks have all the fun? Breaking up the Union? The English started the ball rolling with Brexit. We need to keep it going. Keep the initiative. We don’t need those deepwater military ports and fishing grounds and renewable energy potentials. We’ve got cheese exports!”
How the customs border would work hasn’t yet been made clear, nor in reality any other planning.
“So? Did lack of preparation stop Brexit? The important thing is just to do something and let clever people work out how to fix it later. We’re going to build a wall! And pork exports will pay for it!”
Nicola Sturgeon is expected to respond to the EST’s call later today. As the situation clearly presents her with an opportunity to achieve Scottish independence and a speedy return to the European Union, and the 21st Century.
“She may think it’s a bit rum having to keep hold of Johnson to win independence. But she can build a camp on Trump’s golf course and keep him there. When the golf course is repossessed later this year they’ll take Johnson with them!”
The EST – They’ve thought of something!