THE RED AND WOODEN CEE : BREXIT PROPHET and all around maritime visionary John Redwood (Conservative MP for British Fish) has been forced to take extreme measures.
Shortly before dawn today he was spotted on a Wokingham beach addressing the thriving Berkshire fishing industry, which he represents.
“The Lord of Hosts will do battle for our British Fish!” he told an enthusiastic group of seafarers, before lapsing out of Moses and into Braveheart. “They may take our fintech, aeronautical, farming, insurance, creative, entertainment, automotive and banking sectors, but they’ll never take our fish!”
This rousing war cry complete he then turned his attention directly to the British fish who had also gathered to hear his speech.
“Many of you have walked hundreds of miles to be here today and we welcome you as brothers and sisters,” he said, “and I tell you today that I will defend you from the French! Protect you from the Danes! Guard you from the Irish! And emancipate you from Brussels!”
(pause for dramatic effect – much slapping of fins)
“But I ask you today to help me in this! Together we will defeat Barnier! Lay low Merkel! Make mince of Macron! And we will do it by breaking international law and going back on the binding international treaties we ourselves voted for and signed up to only moments ago!”
Now he was really impassioned and waving about his stick!
“Go forth now and multiple. But only in British waters. Go forth now and endanger peace in Northern Ireland by disregarding the NI protocol! You are British fish! You are the greatest fish the world has ever seen! You are just better than other countries fish! And WE MUST CONTROL YOU OR DIE TRYING!”
All perfectly sane and sensible, as befits a member of the mother of parliaments.
Remember, if you don’t control British fish, you don’t have sole and there’s not a hali-a-but anyone can do about it, except talk as much gibberish as a floundering member of parliament.