MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL : OUTGOING BRITISH PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON has spoken to the press pack this morning to clear up some misconceptions.
As the furore over an unelected, unaccountable advisor (purportedly in Mr Johnson’s team) breaking Coronavirus lockdown laws rumbles on into a second week, Mr Johnson has sought to distance himself from the scandal.
“I have been made aware that some junior staffer was able to set up a card table in the Rose Garden today and have some friends around,” Mr Johnson told reporters, “I must say I was surprised when it was suggested I know the individual personally. I have never met this Dominic Cummings or his wife. And if I did meet him I would give him the cold shoulder. Frankly any prime minister that would expend political capital attempting to save one advisor needs their head examined. It would make the country a laughing stock. By the way, I do all my own work.”
But the credibility of Mr Johnson’s claims have been called into question after video footage emerged showing the pair in the frame together numerous times, over many years.
“Deep fakes,” Mr Johnson dismissed the evidence of people’s own eyes, “we’re deep fakes. I mean the photographs are deep fakes. You will all recall the famous Edwardian images of faeries? Exactly like that.”
Whether or not the public will believe Mr Johnson’s robust assertion that he is not acquainted with Mr Cummings remains to be seen. Some inside Downing Street do believe that the truth hasn’t mattered since 24th June 2016. And there’s a fair bit of evidence that so far they are right.
But Mr Cummings himself is sticking by his own claims over the closeness of the relationship between the prime minister and himself.
“He’s my sock puppet, he’ll do exactly what I please or people will start talking about the ghastly Covid-19 death toll in the UK again. Oh and his little trip to Italy. How many illegitimate children he has. What’s in the Russia Report. Who paid for the holiday in Mustique. The Arcuri whitewash may well get unwashed. And so on. It’s a bloody long list. I’m a genius.”