Intelligence report into Russian interference published after Johnson translates it into Ancient Greek

IT’S ALL GREEK TO HIM : HOLIDAYING PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSONOV is not letting the Caribbean air lull him into a false sense of security. He’s still hard at work. And we don’t mean making sure his wife doesn’t know he has a mistress. That’s all forgive and forget now. ain’t it? Now they’re in Number 10 and the UK’s face to the world.

As the clamour for the publication of the intelligence report into Russian Interference in UK Elections goes on he has decided to finally act and satisfy his critics.

“He’s personally translated it into Ancient Greek,” a Downing Street ‘source’ told LCD Views, “something of a Christmas present to the country, “just because he’s far away, for weeks, doesn’t mean he’s thinking only of himself. He’s recorded it too. Spoken word. Mostly garbled. But that doesn’t matter. He’s a toff. We all love a bumbling toff.”

Critics of the timing have been quick to point out though that it would have served British democracy better to have had the report published prior to the December 12th general election.

Just like it would have been preferable to have the Acuri investigation happen before the general election. Oh and a full bloody public inquiry into Brexit.

Oh and maybe a cost/benefit (scoff) analysis of Johnson’s chosen Brexit before voting on it in parliament?

What a basket case of a country Brexit, and a proven to be useless opposition, have allowed this country to become.

Never mind, cheer up, it’s Christmas! Actually do.

Anyway, Downing Street responded to the criticism by laughing.

This is now the standard government response to any accusation of impropriety or wrongdoing, no matter how credible. And Global Britons better get used to it.

“It’s not like they’re going to go out and carry on like the French,” the insider scoffed, “we can pretty much do what we like with this servile country now we’ve bought and paid for it. Well, somebody has bought it. No, the good citizens of Brexitannia will just take it, waiting for common sense to return as they slowly perish. Makes it bloody easy to squeeze in a little fascism by the backdoor. I tell you! How much are you willing to pay to see a GP within a day? Ha!”

Merry Christmas. If you look at the current governance of the UK and think ‘it’s all Greek to me’, that’s how they want it to be 😉

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