Legendary British patriot and inventor of things that suck to varying degrees, James ‘I only move money offshore because I love Blighty so much it hurts’ Brexit Dyson has revealed plans for a revolutionary new prime minister who sucks even harder.
LCD Views’ political technology correspondent spoke to the legend himself to hear more.
“Do you ever get the feeling when you look at Theresa May that she doesn’t quite suck enough?” Dyson asked.
No. We don’t. We think she’s at about 200,000 watts already.
“Do you ever think, if I designed a prime minister, they would suck even harder than this one?”
Who is interviewing who here?
“Well I do. When I’m counting my money in my little house in Malaysia, wondering how to get more tax efficient, because that’s how much I love England, I pause with my pencil above the yellow legal pad and I realise if I designed a prime minister they would suck even harder.”
Finally a statement and not a question.
“Do you know what I’m going to do about it?”
Here we go again.
“I’m going to design a Brexit prime minister that sucks even harder than Theresa May. A Brexit prime minister that will just crash out of the EU and let the chips fall where they may.”
Dyson went on to reveal he has already finished the sketches and his perfect prime minister to lead the country through these troubled times would look something like a fop caricature from the Edwardian period. Maybe even earlier.
“Do you ever decide to go on an ideological crusade against one of the pins underpinning peace in Europe since WW2 because you lost a battle about environmental standards on vacuum cleaners years ago? And you’re so convinced of your God given right to do whatever the hell you want that you can’t handle it?”
Finally one we can answer.
“No. We don’t. What’s the tax regime like in Malaysia?”