Chinese hackers successfully hacked Britain’s first talking computer today after discovering, to their amazement, that the password was just “password”.
“We truly were stunned,” one told LCD Views’ technology analyst on the condition of anonymity, “we thought this was going to be tougher than hacking Donald Trump’s twitter account. It was.”
It seems a select group of hackers, employed by the Chinese government, have been preparing for the tour of Britain’s first talking computer, nicknamed ‘the Maybot’, for weeks.
“We only found out the Maybot was going on tour a few weeks ago,” our source revealed, “that in itself was a little surprising. Such little planning for such a major event? But we have been hard at training ever since.”
It’s believed, although successful in their mission to hack inside the talking computer, which impressively can also walk, the hackers have not been able to steal anything much of interest.
“There’s a few important phrases stored. Brexit means Brexit. Breakfast means breakfast. Red, white and blue breakfast,” the source continued,
“But mostly it’s an altogether weirder experience. It took us a little while to work out what we were looking at. But we realised in the end.”
Well, what was it? What did you steal? Britain’s secrets are now already for sale on the dark web we suppose?
“No. Don’t be silly. Why would we give away what we’ve worked years to achieve?
What we found inside was a computer representation of a human mind frozen in complete terror and unable to decide between fright or flight.”
It’s believed the agent controlling the group was less than impressed by this.
“Our controller said if he wanted to know in advance what an entry for next year’s Turner Prize looked like, he wouldn’t bother, because he doesn’t want to know. Although, personally I think the whole hard drive was probably fried by the millennium bug years ago.”
Nonetheless, they’ve been ordered to go back in and keep going until they found something compromising.
“We’re not allowed out until we get something that can be used to blackmail the next British PM into letting us build another nuclear power plant, but this time inside Westminster Abbey.
Oh, there was another thing. It seems the Maybot has been told to solve only one puzzle.”
Which is?
“Can Britain use gunboat diplomacy again, after Brexit, to force the Chinese to buy drugs from Britain and give you lots of cash? We can save you the bother. The answer is no, you can’t.”