Great news for supporters of Brexit this evening with the revelation that British prime minister, Theresa May, will sell the British Royal Family lock, stock and barrel. to China during this week’s little work trip, and hope they’ll consider a leaseback deal.
The rumoured asking price for the country’s best china will be £500 billion pounds, which will be a bargain, given China no longer has a queen.
LCD Views spoke to our only royal watcher, Purtle Bertle Turtle Mertle Dertle, to learn the finer details.
“It’s making the best of a rum job,” Purtle said,
“no one else knows this, but Brexit is actually going to totally tank the economy, it’s actually already started doing it.
The construction industry has a cold.
Carillion is the first of a series of dominos.
We need to sell some of the family silver to pay for it or we can’t keep going to the sort of absolute ruin Jacob Rees-mogg believes will allow him to keep indentured fieldworkers like his gran did.”
Have the royals been consulted on the sale? And potentially leaseback?
“Who cares? Remember when the Queen trolled May with that EU themed hat?
Or maybe it was the EU Flag Mafia guy who did it?
Doesn’t matter. Theresa has been planning this since that day.”
It’s not yet certain if the Chinese will accept the asking price.
“They presumably would rather wait until April 2019.
But if they do they run the risk of Trump and other American neocons getting in first and cheery picking the best royals.
If I were them, I’d take the job lot. Then lease them back to us. They can loan us the money to pay for the leasebacks while they’re at it. Brilliant deal.”
But what about the loss to the economy from the tourists who only come to see the Queen? If we can’t lease them back?
”Economy? Have you read the forecasts for Brexit. Exonomy. Don’t be silly. We’re not going to have an economy. Fat lot of good the royals will do us then.”
Any royals returned by China as um, well, perhaps having poor taste in jokes, will be offered for private sale on eBay to interested parties also buying munitions, resident in the Middle East.