STAND AND DELIVER : The Bonnie and Clyde of British politics, Boris “The shagger” Johnson has reaffirmed his commitment to inflicting avoidable food and medicine shortages on the British public.
“They can make all the new laws they want,” someone claiming to be Mr Johnson told someone claiming to be a journalist, “I’ll just have a source threaten to break them. Mark my words. You will need a warrant to get me out of Downing Street. Or at least the threat of one.”
The reaffirmation of Mr Johnson’s commitment to dodgy relationships with former pole dancers, in need of readies, and with links to dubious US hard right figures came at a time of national crisis. And so too the alleged assertions in the paragraph above this one.
How the clever clogs who keep passing legislation making Mr Johnson’s promise to deliver Brexit, regardless of the damage that will be inflicted, will respond is pretty easy to guesstimate.
“I guess they’ll just keep passing laws,” a source close to Mr Johnson said, “well, you just wait and see what we do about it. First off we’ll brief the laws are pointless to friendly mouthpieces in the press. Then we’ll threaten to break them, when we acknowledge they are actual laws. Then we’ll cave in, but keep alluding to some devious plan we have that no one else has thought of. So clever, cunning and perfect even we haven’t thought of it. That’ll show them all. We’ll see who’s right.”
But in spite of all the bravado and bluster emanating like a poison fog from Downing Street, some in the general public are beginning to suspect they may have over billed their genius. Mostly to the exchequer, but also to the bank of credibility.
“It’s almost as if Brexit only got to where it is as a project through criminality, and of course the flaccid compliance of the official opposition that wants it for ideological reasons. If the Tory Brexiters have to obey the law they’re screwed, and so is Brexit, regardless of whether or not others maybe promising a ‘sensible’ Brexit in defiance of all evidence.”
But doubtless Mr Johnson will attempt to carry on, presumably by now picking a fight with the Queen, or some other daft measure.
Maybe it’s about time the fixed term parliament act was amended by the majority that is now governing parliament, to say that if a sitting prime minister loses a VONC who has to vacant Downing Street, after phong the Queen?
Then parliament can choose a caretaker by an indicative votes process to organise a GE, and not by the ridiculous partisan spectacle that seems to currently be the scene?