“I only want to take away freedom of movement from the poor”, explains Christian Scandaler, a rich Brexit backer, who recently bought himself a Maltese passport, in order to keep his freedom of movement after Brexit, “I’m shocked, horrified, to realise in order to do it I have to own a second passport that’s not patriot blue.”
We spoke to Christian Scandaler just after he had opened the package containing his new Maltese passport.
It was supposed to be a happy moment. A moment of relief. It was anything but.
”How am I supposed to show my face at the shadowy think tank gatherings now?” he asked.
“Maybe it’s a mistake? Maybe the Maltese authorities intended to send me a blue passport? I hope this is not a horrible prank?”
We didn’t know what to say.
We’d figured Christian was aware his new Maltese passport would be burgundy, but he was prepared to suffer that ignominy as part and parcel of doing his bit for Global Britain 2.0, Imperial Edition, The Reboot.
Christian is not alone.
He is one of the growing list of extremely wealthy businessmen backing Brexit, and doing their utmost to end freedom of movement for ordinary wage earners, who have sensibly purchased an EU passport from a remaining EU27 country happy to sell one.
”It’s a good thing the little countries of the EU are a bit cash strapped and the big beasts haven’t yet gotten around to working with them to end the racket. Otherwise, what would wealthy British patriots do?
Christ, we could find ourselves applying for visas like the poor people will have to.
I’m trying to do my bit for Britain. To crush democratic reforms of recent decades. To properly take back control of the working conditions of the plebs. But not this way. Not like this. Not burgundy.”
Cyprus and Austria will sell you one too, by the way. In case you’re in the market and cashed up.
“I guess I can buy a blue passport cover?” Christian is getting desperate now.
“Then if I am quick enough, when I whip the burgundy passport out in the prepay, express line at immigration control, maybe no one will notice?
€800K+ is a lot to pay, well, not for me, but still, it’s a lot to pay to keep frictionless travel across borders as we make a success of Brexit.
I guess I’ll get used to keeping a burgundy passport, in time, as I watch all the silly plebs who voted for Brexit stand in long lines.”
We hope so too Christian, for your sake, and for the sake of all rich Brexit backing hypocrites, we really hope so too. We couldn’t have you feeling blue.