Boris Johnson asks Donald Trump for political asylum

MARRED NOW GO : BORIS JOHNSON HAS REACTED SWIFTLY TO THE UNANIMOUS DECISION BY 11 Supreme Court judges that he attempted to bullshit the Queen to push through Brexit.

“He’s asked his close personal friend, Donald Trump, for political asylum,” a source close to the President told LCD Views, “although Donald pretended not to hear him.”

Quite how Mr Johnson will deal with Donald Trump pretending not to hear him isn’t clear, although it’s felt he may try again with a gift offering.

“He’s hammering his way through wine bottles to get some empty boxes for an arts and craft project I believe,” the aide added, “I think he’s going to make a replica of Ivana for Mr Trump, in the hope of currying favour.”

It’s thought political asylum would be the best next move for Boris Johnson now that he’s added to his lists of firsts since taking office being owned 11-0 by the highest court in the land.

“It’s a little puzzling for us over here,” the aide continued, “what you limey’s are up to. We’ve had a lying, self serving, narcissistic, sociopathic, fantasy dwelling leader for years now and he looks safe as houses in office. He’ll probably even stand in the next election. Pelosi seems bizarrely fixed on that. Don’t ask me why. What don’t you guys like across the pond with having a similar leader?”

But is Mr Johnson liable to be successful in getting asylum in the USA?

“Donald doesn’t like associating with losers, so you make your own mind up. He may have to go home and face the music. Or perhaps he could phone the Kremlin? I hear they do great tea ceremonies. Really comforting.”

But having checked ourselves, we can inform Mr Johnson the Russians are also likely to say neyt, no, go home and face the music. No one likes a loser.

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