“Theresa May is starting to fade from official photos,” Mr Foto Fin, official Downing Street photographer has warned.
Speaking exclusively to LCD Views, he issued the cautionary observation over a chai tea latte.
“I would have had an expresso,” he added, “but I can’t pronounce it.”
We were talking ahead of a official lunch time function to be held at 10 Downing Street today.
“Lunch is going to be great,” the photographer oozed,
“after the bbq chicken wings dipped in syphilis, we’re going to play Twister and I’m going to photograph all of it.”
The game of Twister is not just for fun.
It follows a directive from the office of the prime minister, that all new editions of the famous party game must only now feature blue circles.
“This is to better prepare the swingers of Britain for a bold and enterprising future of only entertaining at home. With like minded individuals, of course.”
But what about the fading of Theresa? We wanted to know. Is there a fix?
“Oh, there’s a fix alright. But you get this sort of problem with prime ministers nearing the end of their time in office.
Tony Blair was a ghost all of 2007. Which was actually an improvement. From 2004 he was just a kind of spectral mask of death.
Gordon Brown never even appeared in prints.
David Cameron was so bright it was blinding.
It blinded millions to the office. May was strong and stable for a week. Right after taking office.
But before long her inherent knack of indecision led to her being impossible to capture.
She just kind of flashed in and out of focus until recently, now she’s just fading from view.
They’ll probably have to replace her with a hologram till Jacob Rees-mogg makes his play to be Britain’s shortest ever serving prime minister.
I’m looking forward to photographing him though. I love a bit of sepia and black and white.”