NHS bosses across England have written a stark warning to Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt, stating that hospitals are already overstretched and will not be able to cope with a new pandemic of superbug Torykip cases.
“Wave after wave of hybrid Tory-UKIP infections will finish the Conservative Party off. It will be a face melting spectacular,” Dr Focken Stopp warned,
“I’ve written to Hunt to advise him to wash his hands as frequently as if he had an obsessive compulsive disorder. And by no means, use a computer until we have identified and treated those already infected.
Dirty fingernails and social media is one of the mechanisms of spread.
For the love of god, do not shake hands with Rees-mogg.
Do not let Theresa May sneeze on you.
Do not talk to Owen Paterson, although that’s good advice anytime.
Boris Johnson is infected, but not showing symptoms. He should be placed in isolation.
All Conservative MP’s, who aren’t already infected with the bug should be taking these measures.
Clearly the usual infection of “if they just worked harder they wouldn’t be homeless’ virus has made most Conservative MP’s susceptible to this additional, life altering infection which has hybridised with xenophobia.”
Our resident health reporter spoke to Dr Focken Stopp to hear more,
“They should have treated the UKIP infection years ago. As soon as it first appeared in the body politic.
Many of us said so at the time and raised our voices louder as the infections multiplied. But the executive was worried about losing the baby boomer vote, because a lot of younger communities weren’t voting much. That’s changed now.
Adding austerity to the mix and leaving the lies of right wing, offshore, tax haven loving, lie peddling, tabloid selling sociopaths in communities, without disinfectant, that made half of the country open to infection of Torykip.”
While the Conservative Party has been fingered as patient zero, years ago now, people eagerly anticipating its demise, now the hybridised illness is returning, are cautioned that it’s not the only community in which the infection is present. Redkip is also evident at the moment in other communities.
This is just as hard to treat, due to the underlying anachronistic nature of the underpinning virus underlying the underlying pathogen. Although it’s major symptom is a genuine concern for others, it will lead to the same ultimate end in the 21st century conditions we find ourselves in.
If you see someone suffering from Redkip, treat them with capital v labour serum, “Statute of Labourers” 1351, Freedom of Movement/Democratic rights for working people. It probably won’t work, but it’s worth a shot. Historical parallels.
“David Cameron woke up with an ulcer on his thigh one morning,” Dr Focken Stopp added,
“and cut his whole damn leg off, at home, in his kitchen, with dirty chicken scissors.
This was a mistake for Dave, not a disaster. Because Dave is filthy rich. Screw Dave. His gutlessness, when the crisis was treatable, is key in all this. So too those that went before him. Letting the infection spread and applying medicine to uninflected communities? Insanity.
Watchout for friends who start writing online only in capslock. That’s the first symptom of Torykip infection.”