The Westminster bubble was at risk of bursting irrevocably this lunchtime with the startling news that Yorkshire has applied to the EU for vassal state status.
“We expected Londoxit, maybe Scotxit, Welsxit, potentially even Cornxit, but never Yexit,” a baffled Westminster insider told LCD Views,
“although the more the phrase ‘vassal state’ is used, admittedly the more attractive it becomes, given the human rights stripped away by inheritance millionaires alternatives.
But don’t write that down, I’ll be locked up for treason just for speculating on alternatives to the current ‘hard brexit’ path.”
Yexit details are still sketchy, but it appears the mystery surrounding the recent frenzy of work taking place within York, to add height to the ancient city walls, and extend them to encompass the entirety of Yorkshire itself, has now been explained.
“We can’t even send a Today programme correspondent up to shout will of the people at them without pause,” a puzzled John Humphrys told us after HE phoned us (in a panic),
“they’ve told us we have to apply for a visa and we have to do it via their new embassy in Brussels!
And what’s more, we’re unlikely to be granted a visa unless we apply for citizenship of Yorkshire first, but we have to do it in person at Yorkminster, which we can’t visit without a visa, which we can’t get…”
It’s believed the motivation for the declaration of independence, and application to the EU, was fear of one of Britain’s leading 19th century statesmen.
“They appear to have clocked that Jacob Rees-mogg, and other prominent Brexiters, actually couldn’t care less for the economic fate of their region,” our baffled Westminster man said,
“something to do with JRM tabling an amendment to the EU Withdrawal Withdrawal Bill that will also rescind the “Statute of Labourers 1351”. Whatever that was, something to do with freedom of movement of workers. JRM claims it’s led to an unacceptable inflation in the wages of his fieldworkers.”
Sadiq Khan has also been approached for comment, but all his office would say was that he was ‘A bit piqued to have been pipped at the post. He was planning to declare London’s independence in the spring after he had settled a city state alliance with Edinburgh’.
But they had no more comment as he was awaiting May’s speech in Davos, so he could laugh himself silly at whatever new gags she’s thought up for her ‘Scared But Still Standing’ comedy show.
“That’s probably the key to the timing of Yorkshire’s declaration,” the insider added, “while the cat’s away and all that. None would dare defy the Prime Minister while she was at home sitting on the throne.”
More on this story as the YGA movement grows.