BORIS BANDWAGONING : Soon to be crowned PM, Boris de piffle Johnson, has put a mighty Global Briton shot over the creaking, leaky, illegitimate, undemocratic bows of the gutless Brussels technocrats today by threatening them with a No Deal Brexit Ruddorcet missile.
”Just think about YOUR dry cleaning bill if we go for No Deal Brexit?” Rudd is being primed to whistle down at the sovereignty stealers, as she descends on them with more terminal velocity than her credibility.
The recent conversion to No Deal by the disgraced, undisgraced, soon to be re-disgraced cabinet minister is just the weapon in the armoury of bollocks that Mr Johnson needs.
“She was attracted by his work to promote women to positions of power,” our Rudderless Rudd insider revealed, “well, he promotes women to positions, various ones by all accounts. But it’s not only Mr Johnson’s clear determination to further the feminista cause that has attracted Mrs Rudd to his side.”
It’s the leverage of being in a Boris Johnson cabinet.
It’s the power of feeling like a weapon, primed and aimed at Brussels.
“We saw how effective threatening to blow ourselves up and force Brussels to deal with the fall out was for Ms May in negotiations,” the insider comments, “and it’s going to be just as effective for Boris. He hasn’t weakened the knees of the spreadsheet nerds across the channel with years of fabricated, propagandising nonsense for nothing! Their defences are faltering. When the Ruddorcet missile slams into the EU’s undemocratic parliament, well, it’ll be a mushroom! It may even be a cloud.”
To make sure she detonates squarely in Mr Von de legends 52% of illegitimacy’s face changes are going to be needed in Westminster.
“Whoever it is that is currently DExEU secretary? Anyone know? Mr Halifax? Mr TSB? Mr Santander? I don’t know. Some guy who took the chance to go into history’s dustbin when May offered it, he’s going to have to step aside. Rudd is going to be promoted by Boris to Brexit Secretary. And a fuse is going to be lit. Get your popcorn. There’s going to be fireworks.”
Watch out Brussels! We’re going to set off the doomsday device if you don’t give us everything we want! We’re Global Britain! And we know how to explode!
That’s what we talk about when we talk about leverage.