WHO’LL BE THERE FOR WHO : TV executives are scratching their heads today and urgently searching for answers after Ivanka Trump began appearing in repeats of the classic friendcom ‘Friends’.
The phenomenon was first reported several days ago by an insomniac who was up late watching re-runs.
“It was one of the Janice episodes,” Muriel Candlemaker said, “I settled down to watch it, unable to sleep because of a pre-occupation with the far right takeover of certain Western democracies. I figured some TV. Something from an earlier time when nobody would elect a president who didn’t know why WW2 was fought. A Janice episode was just starting. Perfect,
”I can’t tell you how shocked I was to find Ivanka Trump had replaced Janice, as if by magic. It was surreal. Actually it was quite terrifying. I checked myself for a temperature. I didn’t have one. Well, not until Ivanka started talking during the repeat.”
And Candlemaker wasn’t alone.
The next day, but on the other side of the world, Wrachet Lawn and his friend Amoeba Buffet, had decided to skip that afternoon’s lectures at university, get stoned, and watch ‘Friends’.
”It wasn’t even heavy grade skunk,” Buffet said, “just some of the low THC grass you can buy from vaping shops on the high road. So it wasn’t the reason Ivanka Trump was suddenly there, in ‘Friends’, instead of Joey Tribbiani. Same plot. She was pretending she owned a Ferrari, but she didn’t, she had some cardboard boxes or whatever. It was spinechilling. I don’t know what’s up or down anymore. I’ve started therapy.”
And by now the surreal mystery is worldwide. On every streaming service.
”It’s actually gotten worse. She’s no longer replacing important characters but now just there, hanging around the fringes of every scene, waving her hands like a warlock,” Mr Heckles, executive at repeat streaming service, Nostalgia, says, “we’ve tried digitally remastering the tapes but she won’t go. We don’t know what we’re going to do about it. We look like idiots. Somebody has to explain what’s going on or I’m going to lose my mind.”
The White House has been asked for comment, but none has been forthcoming.
No one knows why it’s happening. The only tentative explanation is that it’s a deliberate ploy to distract people from watching historical documentaries about the rise of fascism in the early 20th century, and coming to the conclusion, the world is currently going insane again.
”We’re re-titling the episodes, ‘Unwanted Friend’, at least that way things will make sense,” Mr Heckles said, “now please leave me alone. There’s a curious blonde woman waving her hands at my side and I’m going to see if I ignore her for long enough, will she just stop doing it and go away?”