KNOW ME FROM – A WINE BOX BUS : Shambolic Tory leadership hopeful, Boris Johnson, has responded to Glastonbury headline act Stormzy leading a chant from the main stage of “F*ck Boris” with his trademark skill at arts and crafts.
In an interview recorded early this morning for the BBC a disheveled Mr Johnson initially looked all at sea over the revelation that he may not have the youth vote sewn up, yet.
“What’s a fellow have to do to get a Bloody Mary around here?” he demanded of the questioner, “come on. Hair of the dog! Chaps got to dig out an old photo of myself and Mr Stormy sitting at outdoor furniture for the Mail on Sunday. What the bloody hell is that in the shadows of the general election polls? Cripes.”
But when directed to give his response to the Stormzy event at Glastonbury he found the right gear.
“I um…ah…well…………….ah……I make Tory Glastonburies out of cardboard….no…out of wine boxes. What I do is. Ahhh. I get empty wine crates and I paint them. I paint on the festival goers. Then I put a little cardboard me on the stage and I lead a chant of ‘F*ck business!’ from the stage.”
Asked to produce the Tory Glastonbury model Mr Johnson initially froze, smile plastered to his face under rapidly blinking eyes.
“I donate them afterwards. Instantly. To the overseas aid budget. Great auction items. Just fantastic. They sell like hotcakes. You’ve probably got one in your loft, behind that old aga that grandma managed to somehow carry up there in a gin rage. The aga is made from cardboard too. In fact, so am I. I make myself out of these empty, well, not cardboard, wine boxes, you see I get empty wine boxes and I…get a cat, a dead cat, and I throw it on the table. It’s works great for the 0.3% who are going to vote for me. I’m a headline act.”
He may consider himself a headline act, but it’s becoming clear to all but the Tory membership and some Brexit Party psychos, that he’s only a headline act at Tory Glastonbury.