THE WOMAN IN BLERGH : Reports of a ghost haunting the G20 summit have materialised in news reports overnight, with more than one world leader saying they felt a shiver crawl up their spine.
”There was discussion about sending for an exorcist, but once the vengeful spirit was identified as being the woman in Brexit, well, everyone just shrugged and carried on,” our G20 correspondent reports, “as the Brexit spirit is powerless internationally. It’s more of a domestic energy drain.”
What the spirit was seeking isn’t clear, as no one bothered to ask it.
”It was clearly trying to create a hostile environment,” our correspondent continues, “presumably drawn by the concentration of so many non-English people in one place. But this particular wrathful devil has no power beyond its usual haunted house in Blighty.”
And while European leaders found the ghost mildly dispiriting, before dismissing it, two world leaders in particular seemed to welcome it.
”Trump and Putin seemed to find the spirit fun,” our correspondent continues, “laughing about it and backslapping one another in its presence. This raised the spectre of who the Brexit spirit serves really? As it certainly can’t be the land it emanates from.”
What the Japanese hosts of the summit will do if it lingers isn’t yet clear.
Although there are credible suggestions that if they can draw it into the proximity of a vintage Mitsubishi aeroplane, the type used long ago in WW2 for kamikaze attacks, that the spirit will fly the plane home and seek to crash it into the U.K. to further create a legacy of its time haunting 10 Downing Street.